Strong Bad answers religious emails
by berenwasteland
Summary: Consider this a cameo. It's just a bit of random silliness; nothing deep or controversial at all.


"Strong Bad answers religious questions"  
  
A/N: I'd like to dedicate this one to my dear friend K2, who said all those wonderful things about me in her review of my last work, and whom I happen to know has a soft spot for Homestar Runner. Thanks, K2. :-)  
  
Other than that, I'd like to point out that the denizens of homestarrunner.com are neither my creation nor my property (though...I wish they were...)  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------  
  
[Strong Bad, an odd looking fellow with a wrestling mask and no shirt sits at his computer, typing away with his boxing gloves, singing in the tune to Queen's "We Will Rock You"]  
  
STRONG BAD: We will, we will. . .answer your e-mails...or something...  
  
[The e-mail pops up:]  
  
"Deer Strong Bad,  
  
What is the meaning of life?  
  
Crappily yours, Crap-face"  
  
STRONG BAD (typing as he talks): Oh, man, Crap-face, that's an *easy* one! You know, it's like, you're, alive, or something, and then, you...um...you're doing...things...yeah...DELETED!  
  
[The next e-mail pops up:]  
  
"Dear Thong Bad,  
  
Har har! I sed "Thong!" NE wayz, I wuz wondring, dew U go 2 church NE wear?  
  
Crappity crap crap crap, grrrl4god"  
  
STRONG BAD: Er....well, ditz for god, I usually sleep in on Sundays, to prepare for the awesome amount of responsibilities that I have to meet every Monday. But occasionally, I go to the United Church of Strongbadia.  
  
[CUT TO: Strongbadia. Strong Sad is standing behind a makeshift pulpit, wearing a clerical collar. Strong Bad, the Cheat, and Homestar Runner are all snoring loudly, propped up against the Tire.]  
  
STRONG SAD: ...And so, the "L" in the acronym "TULIP", which corresponds to the third point of five in the Calvinist view of predestination, is...- guys? ...guys?  
  
[CUT BACK TO: the computer.]  
  
STRONG BAD: ...Like I said. Usually, I sleep in. Okay, next e-mail.  
  
[Next e-mail] "Dear Strong Bird,  
  
How do you solve the Problem of Evil?  
  
Your friend, Bob"  
  
STRONG BAD: The Problem of Evil, huh, Bob? That's easy. I suggest knocking back a few Cold Ones. It may only be a temporary solution, but it's certainly better than nothing. And watch out for those Not-So-Cold Ones. They aren't known to be the solution to anything. Moving on...  
  
[Next letter.]  
  
"My Dear Fellow,  
  
I have often wondered how, in this sometimes frightful and oppressive world in which we live, we might possibly live a meaningful and fulfilling life, at peace with ourselves, our God (should one exist), and the world around us. Might you, in your wisdom, be able to lend me an answer to my query?  
  
Yours, ever truly, Bartholomew P. McGrubbins, New Brunswick, Ohio"  
  
STRONG BAD: Wow, Bart. . .that's such a solid e-mail, I just can't bring myself to delete it. You deserve an honest answer...and...well, that's what I'm gonna give you, man. So here goes. All you have to do is -  
  
THE CHEAT taps him on the shoulder.  
  
THE CHEAT: Mreep meep mee.  
  
STRONG BAD: Oh, The Cheat, you want -- ? Okay. Bart, the Cheat is going to answer your question for me. Take it away, The Cheat.  
  
[A long shot of the computer station. All the Homestar Runner characters are gathered around in a semi-circle, with The Cheat standing in the center. A spotlight falls on the Cheat, and he begins:]  
  
THE CHEAT:[ Matter-of-factly] Meeep meep mreep mreep meep mee mreep meep meep meep. Mreep meep meep meep mmrowp meep meep mreep. Meep meep meep mep meep meeerp, reep meep reep meep. Meep mreep meep meep meep. [His voice rises as he becomes impassioned] Meeep mreeep *meep* meep!  
  
[Everyone applauds.]  
  
HOMESTAR: That was wondoful!  
  
BUBS: . . . I think I need a hanky!  
  
STRONG SAD: I must admit to that being rather eloquently put.  
  
POM-POM: Bloop bloop bloop bloop.  
  
COACH Z: Great jarb, little guy!  
  
MARZIPAN: That was very sweet, the Cheat.  
  
STRONG BAD: So there you have it, Bartholomew P. McGrubbins of New Brunswick, Ohio. Man. This could become a life-changing experience.  
  
THE KING OF TOWN: When do we eat?  
  
[Cue the Paper.]  
  
THE END.  
  
...except that, if you click on the Cheat after the paper comes down, he says, quite plainly, "Douglas." 


End file.
